Friday, July 27, 2007

from shoutwire a man room

Every Man should have his own private retreat.
It should be a place where testosterone rules and interior decorating consists of leather and dark plaid flannel.
This room is where a man can occasionally go to escape feminine influences and femi-drama annoyances--
a place where men can be men with no excuses.
Here is what you need:
A big-ass television. And I mean BIG. Nothing below 60 inches will be suitable. Ideally, it will be a 72 inch Plasma, wall mounted with some kick-ass surround sound and a subwoofer that sets off seismographs in a 3 county area. Man movies only.
A bar with a beer-keg refrigerator. I’ve seen them. I want one. I have a dream. Nothing speaks to the heart of a man like having tap beer as available as tap water. What good is 72 inches of Plasma running that pay-per-view caged martial-arts match without beer readily available on demand?
A $6,000 computer. A great release of testosterone comes from hunting down your friends and killing them in your favorite first-person shooter, then screaming “PWNED” at the top of your lungs and laughing in a manly way. How can any self-respecting man get by with second-rate processors? You can’t. And don’t talk to me about your Wii, please--console games are for pussies. Note: This man-computer will have to be replaced at least every 4 to 6 months to stay on top of technological advances.
A 1 gigabit per second internet connection. Lag sucks in gaming. I want to know when I blow up my friends tank as soon as it happens. And besides, when a man wants his porn, bandwidth shall not be a restriction.
A private bathroom. This bathroom must be equipped with the newest and most powerful turbo-assisted flushing technologies. It also must have an exhaust fan capable of moving 1,000 cubic feet or air per minute.Of course, individual preferences vary, but these are the essentials.


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