my anaconda don't want none less you got some hun

rock bottom

from the episode of the simpsons when Homer is accused of sexual harassment, a show called "Rock Bottom" does an exposé on him that falsely portrays him as guilty. They later quickly scroll a list of apologies down the screen. Here they are:
1. "Peoples' Choice Award" is America's greatest honor.
2. Styrofoam is not made from kittens.
3. The U.F.O. was a paper plate.
4. The nerds on the internet are not geeks.
5. The word "cheese" is not funny in and of itself.
6. The older Flanders boy is Todd, not Rod.
7. Lyndon Johnson did not provide the voice of Yosemite Sam.
8. If you are reading this you have no life.
9. Roy Rogers was not buried inside his horse.
10. The other U.F.O. was an upside-down salad spinner.
11. Our universities are not "hotbeds" of anything.
12. Mr. Dershowitz did not literally have four eyes.
13. Our viewers are not pathetic, sexless food tubes.
14. Audrey Hepburn never weighed 400 pounds.
15. The "Cheers" (1982) gang is not a real gang.
16. Salt water does not "chase the thirsties away".
17. Licking an electrical outlet will not turn you into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger.
18. Cats do not eventually turn into dogs.
19. Bullets do not bounce off of fat guys.
20. Recycling does not deplete the ozone.
21. Everything is 10% fruit juice.
22. The flesh-eating virus does not hide in ice cream.
23. Janet Reno is evil.
24. V8 juice is not 1/8 gasoline.
25. Ted Koppel is a robot.
26. Women aren't from Venus, and men aren't from Mars.
27. Fleiss does floss.
28. Quayle is familiar with common bathroom procedure.
29. Bart is bad to the bone.
30. Godfry Jones' wife is cheating on him. (note: Jones was the host of "Rock Bottom")
31. The Beatles haven't reunited to enter kick boxing contests.
32. The "Bug" on your TV screen can see into your home.
33. Everyone on TV is better than you.
34. The people who are writing this have no life.

posted by safromhell @ 2:41 AM